Honestly I’ve only stumbled onto my blog today because I got a notification of an automatic renewal payment coming out and I thought what the fuck I haven’t wrote anything in about 5 months.
What kind of blogger am I? 🤦🏻♀️
I always sit down at this time of year to write my new goals out for the year and have a look at the previous years objectives. I can honestly say I ticked off a good chunk of mine and I’m more determined than I’ve ever been for 2020s goals.
2019 has probably been the most successful yet unsuccessful year of my life. Starting a whole new life in London obviously being the key life change I’ve made, but with that I’ve also developed a whole new set of thoughts and feels that I’ve never experienced before.
I’ve had anxiety for the first time, I’ve felt so lonely I’ve cried myself to sleep, I’ve felt lost, I’ve felt not good enough, I’ve never felt more single and just outright sad than ever. I’ve felt like as I’ve moved to another city to better my life everyone else around me has overtook and is doing better, happier and I’ve felt left out. I’ve also learnt that all of the above is more than normal and by saying them out loud (or on social media cos same thing, right?) is the only way I’ll ever be able to overcome these feelings and do something about it.
I don’t want this to sound like I’ve been unhappy all year because I defiantly have not, I’ve only had these feelings for maybe the last 3 months and alongside them I’ve had some of the best days and experiences alongside making new life friends.
For 2020 the number one goal on my list is to become the best version of myself that I possibly can. I am going to go for everything I’ve ever wanted and stop fearing the outcome.
I want to wish everyone a happy new year and a special thank you if you’ve stuck around to still hear what I’m up too after all these years, I appreciate it. ❤️
I tried to start writing this post about three or four times but I don’t even really know what I’m trying to talk about – so how do you start it? 😂
As the title suggests I’m basically finding it hard to keep up at the minute and I’ve wrote competition loosely as I don’t know if thats even the right word that I should be using? Everyone I follow on insta or YouTube or their blog is because I enjoy them, their content and love seeing them do well. But are they my competition? Should I be comparing myself to others? Or am I my own competition?
When I moved to London I thought yes this is it, more content, more events, more opportunities where as in hindsight I feel like I’ve hit a wall. My Instagram is more or less at the same following, people who liked and commented on my photos before have just stopped, I’ve been taken off more or less any PR companies mailing lists that I was on before hand (which is fair as I don’t live in the same city) and I’ve only been at a handful of events ( all thanks to my friend Rachael bringing me along as her plus one).
So how do you keep up or am I just being impatient? Wouldn’t be like me…
Living in London is absolutely exhausting and as much as I love it – it deffo takes balls to live here. The balance of working, socialising and trying to keep a day to focus on the creative side of my life is a LOT.
Am I a bad “blogger” if I don’t wanna spend all day every day taking photos of myself? If i can go weeks on end without really being bothered, is that lazy?
When I think of it this way I’m like well yeah gal that’s why you’re not keeping up but then how do you find a balance?
I have always said I hate making content like blog posts and videos “ just cos” i would always rather it have a purpose as I love putting my time into it when I am feeling the creative juices flowing lol.
Do any of you gals ever feel like you’re not keeping up? Wether it be in life, with work or with yourself?! Would love to know everyone’s thoughts on the subject!